if the mood strikes me i like to write more than just journalling. so sometimes i write poems and on occasion i will write a story. i am a big fan of erotic stories and read them often. i do get inspired to write one of my own at times. so here is where you will find poems and stories i write. i was just putting them on my regular blog but as i begin to write more, i decided to separate them here for easy reference. i kept the others in my blog but new ones that i write will be added here. enjoy!
Why does she cry?
she cries because
she wishes she had just a little more
a little more of something
that lies just outside the door
the door of hidden hopes and dreams
of shadows in the night
the door that seemed to call to her
with every morning light
she cries because
though she may struggle with every ounce of might
the one step forward two steps back
is such a tiring fight
a fight from which she wishes
that she could just break loose
but giving up the fight like that
would be a tightening of a noose
she cries because
the worries, what ifs, and almost there’s
are nearly enough to drown out
the softly spoken prayers
but those prayers are what sustain her
and guide her on her way
she hears a small voice tell her
in this rut you cannot stay
she cries because
the waiting is at times to much to bear
and the smile that she shows the world
is not real enough to wear
but the realness it comes
and gazes back at her in the mirror
with this she is reminded
one day it will be said of her
she cries because
of the happiness that dwells within her heart
it is not the constant wonderings
she once felt tearing her apart
the tears are but a piece of her
they make up who she is, simply just a part
so when you see the tears flow down
know this is where her hopes and dreams got their start.
The joy is what remains
joy
it shined in your eyes
something unspeakable
that something that never dies
joy
that constant smile of yours
its what stays with me
i can almost see how your spirit soars
joy
its what you teach me now
even after you’re gone
remembering you, its showing me how
its a joy neverending
what your life was all about
and as you leave us we know
that of which you had no doubt
that joy can fill you
impact others and give you peace
its comes from someplace deep within
and never has to cease
i know now more than ever
you are filled with that joy completely
i will miss you, but your memory stays alive
as that same joy flows through me
two steps back
little progress made
insecurities attack
you aren’t good enough
you can’t be happy
you don’t have the patience
your attitude is crappy
the lies are so convincing
they play on every part
whispering little voices
knowing just when to start
i pull away
retreating is what i know
its my protection, my control
only revealing what i want to show
meanwhile the fear comes in
stealing parts of me
taking back things
of which i thought i was free
its a pattern that i hate
surprising me each time it comes
catching me off guard
and leaving me numb
so i get back up again
fight to take back what i lost
wanting to be the real me
no matter what the cost
someday i’ll stay confident
and not be surprised
i will be too strong in myself
to believe all those lies
i can feel it even now
deep in me shining bright
its the woman i know i am
a strong glowing light
she looks at herself and wonders
how did i get back here?
returning to this place
was certainly one of her fears
closed up and safe
all tucked away
her comfort zone tells her
this way she’ll stay
the roller coaster went away
she finally got off that ride
it only hurt her on the lows
and made her want to curl up and hide
it took her a while
to come out of her shell
each day learning
digging deeper in that well
the darkness didn’t scare her
in fact just the opposite
she grew into her own skin
emerging bit by bit
her fears slowly receded
her smile came forth
fakeness wasn’t there
she was finding her true north
but the sun went down
and her petals closed
the tears they fell
and many questions were posed
and questions made her mind whirl
she thinks she opened up too much
her heart exposed and
too easy to touch
so how did she end up here
she took a risk and with it came possibilities
joy, pleasure, passion
and heartache was certainly one of these
she will open up again
it will just take some time
for learning is often
a shifting of paradigms
