Last week hit a rough spot around the middle of the week and gradually i am coming apart here and questioning a lot of things. i don’t have a best friend here anymore and that has been the case for the last month. that has been bothering me a lot, because i miss her. i miss having that friendship. i know that it is not a good situation though and that i can’t be a part of it anymore. other friends i have are just work friends and not anyone that i really hang out with. so i have been trying to change my focus and think about other things. i have gotten a little involved in volunteering with a local radio station and their events. i am also focused on training for the 10K in September. i have vacation to look forward to in a little over three weeks.
work this last week put me over the edge to where i just checked out. i was there, i was going through the motions but nothing extra. if i am honest with myself, this is not where i want to be or what i want to be doing. i saw a commercial the other day where this guy was talking about how he got this degree from this particular school, goes to work at a job that he loves every day, and goes home to his family. i thought, wow i wonder how it feels to go to a job you love every day. i don’t know that feeling right now. there are so many things that upset me there, with the feeling of people in authority being so passive and just a “not caring” attitude. it bothers me because i bust my ass to get things done and done correctly and if they don’t care, then why should i? i know that realistically it is because it is in my character to do my best and be a hard worker even if others are not. it just gets hard sometimes when it feels like it doesn’t matter.
this last weekend i went to see my family and had a long talk with one of my sisters just about things i am thinking about and where i am. i have a lot of research to do and praying as well. i need to seek direction because i feel like i am going to be starting in a new direction. a few years ago, i had told a friend of mine that i needed to move away. i have this thing about being in a place for a certain amount of time and then leaving, getting the itch. He said what are you thinking? you have a great job, and great friends there…you need to stay put. He was right…at the time. right now i feel like i don’t have either of those things…yes a steady good paying job but i don’t like it and am not happy. deal breakers.
